utter rambling

Christmas is less than a week away. 6 days to be exact. Ugh. I am so excited to see the excitement my kids will have and how happy they will be. To share good meals with my family. But there is just so much going on. As soon as I think yep. Finally a day to sleep in..or catch up. I fall further and further behind. I literally sit here surrounded by utter chaos. A house filled with toys everywhere, baking goodies absolutely scattered, christmas presents overflowing my bedroom, a sick kid and a stack of decisions. We have a guy coming to appraise the house Thursday...and it literally looks like a tornado struck it. I am doing everything I cam to make it believable..that I have it all together. But maybe I don't need it all together. After all. Would I change anything if I could....absolutely not.

New year resolution

It's almost a new year. Time to reflect. Time to look forward. Last year sitting here my mind was full and my heart was heavy. I had a brand new baby with a terrifying condition. I had a job that I loved but hated. It was a double edged sword. I had lost my church family. I was I overwhelmed..and just didn't know what to do. So I turned to God. Where I should have been all along. Why do I always wait until I get myself into this predicament? Why is it all too often I try to solve my problems myself..instead of going where I should? God has proven himself to me..even though he didn't have to prove anything to me. I prayed last year for God to answer these burdens....and he did. Hawkin had surgery shortly after new years to get tubes for his ears. We met an amazing specialist who gave us info, listened to our worries and helped us. Coping with Laryngomalacia came into our lives..which was an absolute God sent to me. Other moms who know exactly how I felt. Who understood how it felt ti lay your baby down and watch him stop breathing. Who were there. Who listened. Who were always there with love and support. God sent them to me. Because he knew I would need them to get thru. As Hawkin got better, my job got progressively worst. God gave me the courage to take the biggest leap of my life. I started my own business. Once again, He has proved himself to me. I absolutely love love love this job. I've never been this happy..ever. God gave me the strength to believe and trust that he will provide. I am so very blessed. I've prayed and prayed for a church family that would fit myself and my family. A big challenge. But He is a big God. Once I was ready.. I walked into the most amazing church. That I couldn't love more. I makes me so very thankful. There was a time in my life where God was the first thing I turned to. Im ashamed to say..I've let that get away from me at times. It doesn't mean I love God less. It means I messed up. Thankfully I know a kind and forgiving father. So this new year..my resolution isn't to lose weight (that would ne nice though) or to save money (also nice) but to I will make a resolution to always always put God as my first choice.first to ask. First to thank. Where He should have been all along.