a change of perspective

I love both of my children equally. I don't love one more than the other. It is divided completely down the middle, but I do love them differently. Kaylee was and still is the happiest, most easy going, laid back, smart, hilarious most well balanced child probably ever. She everything before she was suppose to. She sat up at 4 months, crawled at 6, walked at 8, and could pretty much hold a full conversation by her 1stb'day. I ws so so proud of her. In fact i didnt think i would ever ever be as in love or as proud of another kid as i was her. She in my mind (well still is) absolutely perfect. Here is a deep down mommy confession :/ when I got pregnant..secretly I was terrified. I just could not wrap my mind around the concept of loving anyone else as much as I loved Kaylee. There's just no way I could. But tthen God gave me this perfect absolutely tiny amazing baby boy who came into this world fighting to be here. And my heart melted. Alot of people domt kw this but I had postpartum depression with Kaylee. I tried to prepare myself as much as I could before Hawkin well as much as you can mentally but if it happens it happens, but i didnt have it the 2nd go around and o truly believe it's bc God knew exactly what i could handle and what i couldnt. I read a blog the other day off the LM page that couldn't sum it up better, it went along the lines of God picked you to be his mom. Because you are the perfect one..he personally picked me to be Hawkins mommy because he knew I would have the strength and will power to do it. Because now, i will never take a step for granted, i will never not be grateful for every breath that boy takes, and even though he's almost 2 and has a total of about 5 words..my heart swells with pride every single times one comes outta his mouth. When he does something I makes me stop and be in awe at how far he's made it. He built a tower of blocks the other day and tears literally came to my eyes.when he smiles and says mama...my heart literally double beats and melts. How hard he's worked to catch up how unbelievable he is. How astounding perfect he is. Both of my kids are absolutely amazing perfect spectacular kids. I love them both so so much but God gave me two very different kids at two very different times in my life and it is amazing how well He knows me. I am thankful for that change in perspective because sometimes we need to be reminded how very lucky we are.

A couple Confessions

Confession-- I expect too much outta myself. This is a ongoing battle within myself. I strive to be a awesome mom, kick ass wife, really loyal and dedicated friend, business woman all while keeping a perfect house and manicured nails. Truthfully I kinda get off on people saying "I just dont kw how she does it all." Confession-- I dont. I dont do it all. My husband and I fight. I adore my children but fail them in more ways than i would like to admit. I forget sometimes to call my friends or even txt them back. I get overwhelmed with my business. My house gets trashed. And my nail lady hates me bc i come in with my nails lookin like a hot mess that she's gotta fix. So even though I love to hear that i "got it all together' it's all a lie. Confession-- i try reallllly realllly hard. Way harder than im suppose to probably..and still dont mange to get it all together sometimes. But i am now trying reallllly realllly hard to be ok with not being perfect and realizing that Maybe the imperfections are really actually the best part of it all.